Monday, Working from Home because I Was Physically Hurt

I have my period today so my body was just in pain deeply. You would think I should take some Midol that will solve the PM problem.

Frankly, it seemed help just a bit. For some reason, I feel the pain was raw, deep ache this time. I've also been so sad lately... Emotional and physical were off the track that could make my whole body was physically hurt terrible.

The pain was hardest ever. I couldn't go to work today. I had to take extra PM pain relief that could knock me down... There was nothing I can do to help. I just had to take it easy and direct work from home.

It's so tough. All I just wanted to hide myself under the blanket to sleep...forever... It's the second times I had this feeling since his absent that I wanna die too. I used to be his strong woman but no longer. You would think with time gone it would get a bit easier or less. Nope. I know it came back today... It's sneaking inside me.

When he was here it's fine. Everything is perfect. I would skip a day or two and stay at home. I would be able to sleep peaceful after I take PM pain relief. I shouldn't have to worry that work had fallen so behind. He would manage business, food for the house, tip toes and rub my tummy with my favor hot oil. I would just sleep like a baby...

It's hitting hard this time. I really feel ill and fever. I really want to dug a nice big black hole and crawled into it. I just wanted to disappear forever...

Enough with crushing sadness and my PM period, I was lucky fall asleep a bit... I dreamed that he was touching my belly and holding me from behind. I felt it was so real... so my hand tried to find his then... I woke up in sobbing. I could feel my tears were making the pillow wet.

And life has kept going and moved on. I'm still stuck and struggling. I'm completely break down this time.
It's getting dark out side and the night is going to be longest ever since...